Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
