Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
