yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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