I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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