He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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