look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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