At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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