hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
