Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
