Someone shit on the floor
Farmville is her only friend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
