oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
