Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.

(732): View more from New Jersey

sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

being pregnant is like rehab

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(514): View more from Quebec

So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is

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