Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
