Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
