I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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