Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
