He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
