Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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