sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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