Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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