I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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