This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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