Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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