I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
