I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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