Screwed.edu
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
