honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
