Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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