I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
