In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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