my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
