Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
