Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
