I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
