Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
