I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
