Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
