Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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