The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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