My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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