why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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