having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
