Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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