im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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