It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
