the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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