Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
