Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
