are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Randomize
