Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
