she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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