i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
