what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
