her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
