i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
