if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
