can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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