yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
