I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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