If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
