Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
