just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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