He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
