what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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