He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
