I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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