She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
