ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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