My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize