is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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