Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
