last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
