Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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