How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
