I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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