I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
