But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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