end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
