She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
