Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
