The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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